Mittens
He was a storm cloud with wide yellow eyes
and a kink for having his tail pulled.
I remember him being beautiful,
but in the eyes of a child all things are.
He was too skinny, but I never realized.
He was sick, but he still took care of me.
He curled around my head like a lion:
Glaring. Watchful. Arrogant, despite his size.
Even then he smelled sick.
Like urine and sickness and death.
I was too young to know,
I’d never smelt it before.
Sometimes I think he really was a lion,
forced into a much smaller body.
That’s why he died,
because his body couldn’t handle it.
Scent: cat urine
I remember how weak he was. He couldn’t always make it to the litter pan. How long was he sick before we realized it? How long did he take care of me while I was sick before I realized it?
I remember his fur smelled like urine. I didn’t clean the litter pan, so I didn’t know it at the time, but years later, when I got a cat of my own, I finally realized what it was.
I remember he lay on my pillow, next to my head, watching over me, glaring at anyone who dared to come near me. Protecting me. His eyes were like an owl’s, and even then he was too skinny for it to be healthy. I can’t believe I never realized it, how sick he was, I mean. And he still had the time and the patience to take care of me. Animals are amazing.
I remember my pillow smelled like his fur for months after he died. Cat urine is a hard thing to get out. I remember holding him in my arms when he was a ball of fluff. He was so cute, like a storm cloud with big yellow eyes. I remember how he actually liked having his tail pulled. What a strange cat.
I remember how weak he was. I remember being unable to turn my back when he was put to sleep, even though I didn’t want to watch. It was raining. The mums were in bloom. We brought home three red mums to plant on his grave. Mums don’t usually survive the winter, but those did, and I was glad.
I remember my mom wrapped him in a towel. We didn’t unwrap him before we buried him. I think we didn’t want to see the body. So we buried him, towel and all. He has a headstone, too, but since there are so many rocks in the area, it’s hard to find unless you know where to look.
I remember going to visit him, a couple of times. I need to go more often. I don’t live there all the time any more, but he was precious, so I should visit him. I wish I could visit him. I’ll never forget him.
Thank you for sharing. I love the image of the cat as your protector-lion and the conclusion you draw in the last stanza.
ReplyDeleteThis is a terribly sad poem and brings back memories that are too painful.This purity of love and affection cannot be replicated in the human species.Life would be so diminished without
ReplyDeleteexperiencing this connection. We can learn so much from these beautiful creatures.
Thank you, rallentanda and Katr!
ReplyDelete@rallentanda - This poem was really hard for me to write because of the memories it brought back. I absolutely agree with you that life would not be complete without the love of an animal, and that we have a TON to learn from them.
I really like the last paragraph. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, dear! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeletehe was a great cat and you were his human, no doubt about it. I remember how he stood guard over you after you had your oral surgery, unwilling to leave, standing guard. I am sorry I was away in China when his time came, that I was unable to be there with you and your Mom.
I still clear the growth from around his headstone; you will be able to find it. But it his place in your heart that matters more.
Dad
He was wonderful. I still miss him. (Don't get me wrong, Aslan is great, but he's nothing like Mittens was...)
ReplyDeleteThe time after the oral surgery is actually what I was writing about in the last two lines of the second stanza. I'm glad it came across.
It's funny; I had not remembered that you were gone when he died until you mentioned it. I remember that PJ was the one who found him; that he was in the coat closet, too weak to move. I remember that it was raining the day he was put to sleep, and that I had to go to work anyway, after watching him be put to sleep. I remember that Mom came to work with me and helped me unload the mums, because we got a delivery that day and I was working alone. I remember being glad that it was raining, because none of the customers could tell I had been crying. I remember burying him wrapped in the towel, and I remember the chrysanthemums. All of those details are as crystal clear in my head as though they happened yesterday. Everything else has faded into the past.
Thank you for clearing his headstone. It relieves me to know that I'll still be able to find it the next time I come home.
Love you, thanks for taking the time to read my work and leave comments.